Monday, September 14, 2009

Guys' Night Advice Column #10: Grindin'

Sorry there was no "Guys' Night" over the Labor Day weekend. We were busy getting pissed with our buddies at a West Hollywood establishment. Let's get back to biz!

Dear Guys' Night,

This past weekend, me and my boys were out ragin' our guts out, natch, then I decided to surprise my ol' lady at a party and found her grindin' with some other dude. I lost my shit and jumped in a cab. Got back home and jacked it to some barely legal babe action to show her what's up. Problem is, I still have feelings for her but I don't know if I can trust her ass anymore. Should I stick with my steady or break it off for greener pastures?

-Young Pussy Don

Dear YPD,

Fuck! Don't put up with that shit. The best advice I could give you is, you shoulda made the first move. Women don't respect that, "I'm gonna be good to you baby" bullshit. If she got the scent you were slippin' it in on some broad on the sly, she'd have been makin' you breakfast in the morning on the regular. Gals want to know you're in demand. Now, you got two choices: shove it in a slimmy for a one time revenge bang, or #2: just fucking make it a Guys' Night for like, the next half a year.

You don't need that garbage, especially when you got your buddies. Nothing makes a woman jealous like knowing that you and the homies are out wagging your front tails at anything that moves during the big game. Even if "what moves" are your buddies when you're watching the big game and seeing who can pop one off first while a 30 second Diet Coke ad starring some half naked gash plays on the tube during the Bears game.

Football season always gets me amped up. Maybe it's the cheerleaders. Maybe it's the way my buddy Karl can put away a whole tray of nachos in no time flat. Either way, football season is no time to waste on some slit. Bust your nuts on a Guys' Afternoon, right before a Guys' Night. Keep focused on the season. Football is a man's sport, not some time to waste on "making love".

Go Bears! And Go Pussy! Even if "Pussy" is your own hand while you masturbate in the middle of the living room in front of all your buddies. 'Cuz, pussy is still pussy. No. Big. Deal.


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