Monday, August 17, 2009

Guys' Night Advice Column #7: Mad Mentourage

What up Gizzo Nizzo!

You watch Entourage last night?! Man, that epp was off the chain! Basically, the whole show was about how Turtle has to go to his first day of college in his Maserati, Vince comes with, then, 5-minutes after being there, Vin goes up to the room of a sexy co-ed and gives her a bit of the old Chase charm while he video tapes it. SO good. One of the best yet.

My buddies know what a fan I am and even call me "Drama". And they've all said that "If you like Entourage, you gotta watch Mad Men! Those guys REALLY know how to live."

So I DVR'd Mad Men and gave it a whirl. can I put this so I don't puke?

(spoiler alert)

The whole episode was about two guys making out and giving each other tugs. I couldn't find the remote fast enough. Even alone in my locked apartment I was afraid someone would walk in or see what I was watching through the window.

Basically, my boys pulled a fast one on me to make me watch that queer show and I want to know how to get them back. What's a good burn?



I don't know how to break it to you, but I actually don't think you were set up. I watched MM last night and like you, was bit thrown off by the gay jack off scene.

But I rewound it 6 or 10 times just to try and figure out what REALLY was going on there and I think I've got the answer.

See, Mad Men times was way back in the '80s when porn wasn't really coming into it's own yet. Chicks still had bushes and stuff and the guy's weren't nearly as thick and long and shaved down and they didn't have ripped abs like they do now. There was alot of confusion. So sometimes, guys had to help each other out with how business goes down. I know it might sound weird, but it totally wasn't a gay thing at all for one guy to give a hands on tutorial of how to get the nasty. Just one guy helpin' out another guy. No big deal. Remember, this was the '80s when there wasn't the internet. It was pretty messed up back then. Plus, guys had to work alot. So with no time to cheat on their wives and sore hands from laboring, you had to have another dude help you get that release. Think of it like soldiers in a war doing something brave. And if you wanna call soldiers gay, then buddy, you've got some problems coming.

But, if you still want to get back at your buds for something else, I like to sneak my buddy Karl's phone from him, change his girl's number to my name, then take a picture of my balls with my phone in the bathroom and send it to him with the message, "Hey baby, check this out."

He's usually so embarrassed he just smiles and doesn't say anything about it. Burn!


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