Monday, August 24, 2009

Guys' Night Advice Column #8: SUCK IT!

Dear Guys' Night,

Last week I got special backstage passes to a WWE event, and the Degeneration X guys (Shawn Michaels and Triple H) kept doing their thing where they cross their arms over their crotches and say "SUCK IT!"

The thing was, we were alone in a green room together.

Ever since then, whenever I watch wrestling I get kind of a tingly feeling in my pants. Not a full hard on, just a little movement. Did they make me gay? Should I stop watching wrestling?

Sorry if this is weird, but I don't know who to ask about this.
-DX Fan

Dear DX Fan,

Even if you WERE gay, there's nothing gay about Degeneration X, so you wouldn't be into it anyway. To be honest, I get full on bad boners watching wrestling and other sports all the time. That doesn't mean I'm gay, DX Fan. Look, I've gotten an erection at the grocery store too, but that doesn't mean I'm some sort of food pervert.

Frankly, I'm sick and tired of people making hackneyed comments about how wrestling is "gay". First off, when they say it's "gay", it's used as a derogatory statement, and while all of us here at Guys' Night are just guys bein' guys, we're no homophobes. I know this one guy from college who has a gay brother. True story.

Here's the other thing, Vince McMahon is no dummy. He markets to the fellas AND all the sexy gal wrestling fans. And if there's one thing the ladies can't resist, it's The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. That's why I keep pictures of him all over my West Hollywood apartment. It gets the ladies dizzamp! And that Triple H is no slouch himself. He's my buddy Karl's favorite wrestler. Karl says he's more "rugged".

HBK and Triple H pose down!

Suck it!



I keep this in my john for when the gals take a whiz before we get all nasty-nasty.

Shawn is so badass.

Triple H spewin' it! F-yeah! Take that Mr. McMahon!

The next time you watch wrestling, have a few buddies over and stare at their crotches. Bet you see more than a few tents. It'll make you feel better knowing it's not just you that gets electrified by the excitement of the WWE! No big deal.

Suck it! (jk, ha!)

-Guys' Night

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