Monday, July 20, 2009

Guys' Night Advice Column #3: Livin' The Dream

You ask, we answer! Just one guy helpin' out another guy. It's no big deal!

'Sup Guys' Night!

I'm a 38-year old guy's guy. I love being single and having freedom. What can I say, I LIKE having stacks of empty pizza boxes in the living room. I LIKE being able to build a beer can pyramid on the coffee table if I want. And if I want to get high on a Tuesday and eat a Hormel Chili sandwich over the sink in my underwear while I flip through a back issue of Cherry, I don't want to hear any lip about it. I lived with a girl once after college and all she ever did was complain that the toilet was filthy. I never understood that. The toilet. Is for. SHITTING IN! Who cares if it's clean?! Basically, I'm living the dream right now. But I gots a problem GN. I've been talking to this girl on MySpace for a while and she's smokin' hot (although she looks kinda bigger and older in her "tagged photos" on Facebook but those are probably just weird angles). We're supposed to maybe meet up for a coffee or something sometime. I'm worried that she's too into me and I don't want to get sucked into something that messes up the good thing I got going on. So my question is: Should I just hit it and quit it?

Thanks man,

Dear PikeBro69,

Dewd. Wtf?! I think you already answered your own question here. Don't you understand? You made it out alive! While most of your buddies are changing diapers and BEGGING to hit the range on Saturday, you're doing want comes natch. It's your life, you SHOULD do as you please. You're a fucking man for Christ's sake. Why even risk screwing it up by going on that date? Is a little piece worth it? Hell naw. Sounds like you're doin' just fine as is. I was flipping though the new GQ in the john the other day and got so wrapped up in the article about Channing Tatum, which is an excellent article. GQ is always so on point with what guy's guys are into.

Check out homeboy's abs! Oh shit! I could work out 24/7 and never get that cut. Channing's in that new G.I. Joe movie, which I wasn't going to see until I read the article. He seems super cool and down to earth. And plus, he's got the total action hero body. Can't wait to check out the movie. I'll probably go with some of my buddies 'cause chicks just aren't down for any good movies. Sorry, but I GOTTA tell you this story about when me and Karl were at the first Transformers. We only had enough cash on us to get one large popcorn and when I went to the bathroom, Karl put a hole in the popcorn bucket and stuck his dick through it. He totally played it cool until I went for a handful about halfway through and that's when I ended up getting a big handful of Karl's boner! It was so buttery and unsuspected that I must've put my hand back in the popcorn bucket 6 or 7 times until I realized what he did and then I was like, you asshole! I threw him on the ground and we were fighting until an usher tossed us out. Fucking classic Karl!

So anyway, the other day I was flipping through the new GQ in the john, and I got so wrapped up in that article that I forgot to flush until I got home from work. You think some chick woulda put up with that?

Don't hit it. Don't quit it. Just keep livin' the life bro!


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