Monday, July 27, 2009

Guys' Night Advice Column #4: Smokin' Stogies

Dear Guys' Night,

Yo yo! 'Sup 'Sup!

I was mackin' to this fine ass girl at Avalon in H-wood on Saturday and thought I had the kitty in the bag. I wanted to make her think I wasn't TOO into her, so I took it outside for a sec to smoke this badass stogie I got from my buddy Erik at his bachelor party.

When I went back inside, she was all like, "Ugh, you totally stink like cigar smoke. Gross." Then I tried to flip the script on her and said in my best Rick James voice, "Whatever. YOU stink you stink ass bitch!" Then tried to laugh it off.

That's when her friend was like, "come to the bathroom with me". I thought they were gonna come back ready to split to the crib with me and my buddy Karl, but they never did.


1. Why are chicks so lame about smokin'? Kid Rock does and he made it with the hottest on the planet.


2. What are the funniest comebacks to make some girl think you're not into her but will still make her laugh and make it easier to get that nasty-nasty?

Thanks for the help GN,
Rick James Bitch

'Sup 'Sup RJB,

First off, don't beat yourself up about ANY of this. If you wanna smoke a fine cigar, smoke it. Wherever and whenever. And if women don't like it, they can suck it. I belong to this awesome mens only sauna in West Hollywood with a couple of my boys. Some nights when we're out at the club just dancin' our asses off, and all the girls must be on a code red because they aren't into even my BEST moves, we just say fuck it, GUY'S NIGHT, and hit the steam. There's always a bunch of chill guys there and there aren't any lame rules. It's towel optional, so of course everyone just goes buck so the boys can get some steam too. Besides, you can barely see in there it's so thick and they always pump the hottest house music so you can keep the par-tay goin'. AND, look man, if you've got a serious case of the blues brothers because of all the cold fish at the club grindin' and then ditching your ass, alot of the guys just feel free to tug one out. No big deal. Honestly, I haven't done it yet, I've just watched a bunch of times trying to work up the courage.

Oh, and you can smoke a cigar or cigarette or a joint or whatever in there too if you want. No one cares. It's all about relaxation.

I'll hit you up on AIM and maybe we can cruise over together sometime. I love a good cigar. And I always light it up with one of these bad boys:

Women forget all about things like cigar smoke when they're already pre-soakin' for your E-hard Zippo.

As far as crackin' up the ladies goes, just be yourself and do what you think is funny. My old standby is to go into lispy homo mode and break out some Just Jack. Chicks love that show. Plus, it shows that you're open minded and sensitive.

But for reals, if she didn't laugh at the Rick James bit, then it's best you leave that stick stuck in the mud. Ahm Rock Jahmes botch! Yeeeaah Baby!

Check your AIM later.

Peace Out,

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