That's my baby kitty. Alabama. She's a real fucking cunt 95% of the time.
I love her, she's adorable. Cute little white socks on all four paws. But seriously, what a fucking cunt.
And that's why I don't have kids. Because when Alabama wants to eat at 4:30 am, and walks on Daddy's hungover face, Alabama can get chucked 10 feet, stick a landing, and remain in the exact same mood as if I got up and fed her.
If my kid...well, you get it.
It probably wouldn't go over as "funny" if I put this up:
This is my son. Karl. He's a real fucking cunt 95% of the time.
I love him, he's my fatso son. But seriously, what a fucking cunt.
When it's 8:30 am and I'm driving him to school and he won't stop bitching about wanting to stop at KFC and I try to explain that they're not open and even if they were we wouldn't be going there and he still won't listen, I want to throw him out of the car into oncoming traffic. Fucker swings a baseball bat like a girl but brags about his .420 average on that stupid MLB video game.
Yep, makin' fun of fat kids, babies, and calling kittens "fucking cunts". I'm a class act.
If it makes you feel better, I wrote this while listening to Beyonce's "Halo" on repeat.
*Yes, I realize that this would make a great "ME EATED POOP! HOORAY!" or whatever, kitty gibberish photo, but we have enough of those.
**Yes, after reading this, I am self aware that Louie CK and Jason Nash have material where they say outlandishly derogatory things about their children, but my kitten is a cunt, and this is just a stupid blog.
On a completely unrelated note, how badass is Detroit born Kim Wilson? Motherfucker's got swagger like hotcakes. Have yourself a Friday kids! It starts here: