What An Adorable Baaybeee! (with bonus The Fabulous Thunderbirds)

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That's my baby kitty. Alabama. She's a real fucking cunt 95% of the time.

I love her, she's adorable.  Cute little white socks on all four paws.  But seriously, what a fucking cunt.

And that's why I don't have kids. Because when Alabama wants to eat at 4:30 am, and walks on Daddy's hungover face, Alabama can get chucked 10 feet, stick a landing, and remain in the exact same mood as if I got up and fed her.

If my kid...well, you get it.

It probably wouldn't go over as "funny" if I put this up:



This is my son. Karl. He's a real fucking cunt 95% of the time.

I love him, he's my fatso son. But seriously, what a fucking cunt.

When it's 8:30 am and I'm driving him to school and he won't stop bitching about wanting to stop at KFC and I try to explain that they're not open and even if they were we wouldn't be going there and he still won't listen, I want to throw him out of the car into oncoming traffic. Fucker swings a baseball bat like a girl but brags about his .420 average on that stupid MLB video game. 

Yep, makin' fun of fat kids, babies, and calling kittens "fucking cunts".  I'm a class act.

If it makes you feel better, I wrote this while listening to Beyonce's "Halo" on repeat.  

*Yes, I realize that this would make a great "ME EATED POOP!  HOORAY!" or whatever, kitty gibberish photo, but we have enough of those.

**Yes, after reading this, I am self aware that Louie CK and Jason Nash have material where they say outlandishly derogatory things about their children, but my kitten is a cunt, and this is just a stupid blog.

On a completely unrelated note, how badass is Detroit born Kim Wilson?  Motherfucker's got swagger like hotcakes.  Have yourself a Friday kids!  It starts here: